Put Up Your Dukes…Don’t

“Trust” is a very important word in my vocabulary. The definition is: “a firm belief in the reliability, truth, or ability of someone or something.”

We pride ourselves on being 100% trustworthy, honest and honorable in all of our dealings with our clients. We will never lie, never cheat and never take a penny more than is due to us. It is my personal policy to be firm on these issues and my staff are all held to such high standards. Anyone who accuses us of any attributes to the contrary might as well be putting up their dukes, as for me, “dems are fightin’ words.”

If you work with as many people as we do who are seeking to not only make a big purchase as significant as a property in France, and who are embarking on an adventure to change their lives for the better by making such a big leap, we are certain to deal with a variety of personalities and psychological issues. We often joke that we’re not really in the business of real estate—but more in the business of psychology or acting as counselors. People come into the process carrying with them their fears and anxieties, trepidation, expectations, and even their marriage conflicts. This “baggage” can sometimes get in the way of their good experience and therefore it’s a part of our job to manage this.

Expectations are the number one culprit to manage in order for our clients to have the best experience. Philosopher Eckhart Tolle says of expectations, “Fulfill me, make me happy, make me feel safe, tell me who I am. The world cannot give you those things, and when you no longer have such expectations, all self created suffering comes to an end.” I learned long ago to replace the word “expectations” with “hopes” and that led to a much happier and fulfilled life in all aspects because there were never disappointments. I urge our clients to do the same.

We had one such client recently whose frustrations were a direct product of their unrealistic expectations. Such people “expect” to have “expectations” and in particular, when their pockets are over-flowing, they have even greater expectations of what their money will buy them. As a result we were all treated very badly, and blamed for not being able to meet those expectations.

One’s ego plays a large role in this unhappiness, too. The human ego is another one of the things I’ve learned a lot about from the teachings of Eckhart Tolle. He writes,”You, in essence, are formless consciousness or stillness or presence. Ego, in this context, is the false self or current state of consciousness of humanity that doesn’t let the presence (universal intelligence) shine through. In other words, its an entity made of mental conditioning (thoughts and emotions) through which you see and act on the world. Ego was a necessary stage in the evolution of the consciousness, but to take the next step towards conscious evolution and ensure our survival, we must recognize and dissolve the ego. Considering the current times, there is a sense of urgency, as growing unconsciousness or Ego is threatening our survival, other species and even nature that sustains us. Its for those who already have an inner readiness in them and ones in whom inner shift from thoughts to consciousness or inner space has already begun. Not everyone is ready, but many are. Don’t just read with your mind but pay attention to any deeper feeling responses as you read. Its because feeling will get you closer to the truth than thinking.” (Source)

That might sound like a lot of garble, but if you visit the Wikihow site and read through it, you may become enlightened and learn about the power of dissolving the ego. When dealing with an ego that defends its right to these expectations, there is only one way to overcome it—and that’s by letting it have itself, and removing yours from the equation.

Think of it this way: a bully puts up his dukes and urges you to fight. Instead of taking the bait and defending yourself by fighting back, you simply stand there and refuse to fight at all. What will he do? Maybe he will walk away. Maybe he will punch you in the nose and you will fall. Either way, you have won and gained power over the bully because you didn’t play his game.

In this case, I took the punch and fell, but we won the game because we’ll never have to deal with the bully ever again…at any price. We may have lost the client, but we gained back our self-respect. We treat each and every client with the same level of respect, regardless of their empty or over-flowing pockets. And we “hope” to be as equally respected by them. If not, then we walk away without a fight.

But, watch out. Should we ever be erroneously called unreliable, dishonest or untrustworthy, as that might be the one time I’d be willing to put up my dukes!

A la prochaine…