Call Me Glamma!

If you have followed my excursion to Maui for the birth of my grandson in last week’s Nouvellettre®, then you know that she didn’t deliver on her due date, 11-11. That’s normal. A due date is just that—a guesstimate based on knowledge and experience, but nonetheless, guesswork. France calculates pregnancy as a 41-week term from the date of the mother’s last period (date des dernières règles). In some cases, the given due date might simply be nine months from this date. In the U.S., the term is counted as 40 weeks. So, anything goes and each woman’s pregnancy is different. When I had Erica, she was 2.5 weeks early!

What ensued was a turn of events that we weren’t expecting. Erica was planning a home birth with a midwife and a doula. The house was readied for the event, a huge black tub was delivered to the house in preparation for the birth in warm water, and we were all set for the big event to take place at home. That’s not what happened.

Without going into too much detail about why we had to do a 180 degree turn, on the evening of 13th we checked Erica into the hospital. Her friend, Chelsea, and I slept on chairs in the room with her till the next day when the real “party” began. Erica set the room up to be as much like home as possible complete with atmospheric accoutrements—aroma diffuser, galaxy lighting, electric candles and tons of blankets and pillows. We didn’t mind considering we were sleeping, or trying to sleep, on make-shift chairs.

The hospital didn’t look as industrial as most do. From the outside, it seemed friendlier than most. The hospital staff was quite nice and helpful in getting her settled. The views of the island, the volcano and the sea were quite beautiful and peaceful. The decision was clearly the right and best one to put the birth in the hands of the medical professionals who had the equipment needed for any unforeseen situation. Chelsea and I were allowed to be with Erica throughout the birth, along with her doula, but not more than the three of us.

It was the first time I had witnessed a birth, other than her own 39 years ago, but when you’re the subject, it’s not easy to be a witness when your prime responsibility is to push as hard as you can, internally. It all happened in that same room; not in an operating room. The hospital staff loved the warm, cozy atmosphere and they made us all feel secure that it would go well.

Maui Memorial Medical Center

The process reminds one of the miracle of life and the power of a woman to perform such a feat—as to nurture a child from inception within the confines of her own body, and then somehow manage to extract it via a canal that miraculously opens wide enough to accommodate first the head (normally) and then the rest of the body. This little being goes from the safety of the womb to the shock of the sounds and lights of a hospital room (or a home) then to be laid on the mother’s chest.

We all watched it happen in awe. Little Leeds was born just before 5 p.m. on the 14th. Erica’s face lit up like I’ve never seen it before. The child is as beautiful as any baby can be, with all his fingers and toes, long and thin with long fingernails, well-formed legs and arms and an athletic tooshy—the kind I just love to pinch with love. His hair is longish and fine with a bit of curl, but we know that will change. Erica was even more astonished by what had just transpired than any of us.

Adrian working on her computer in the hospital room surrounded by galaxy lights

Seeing my daughter so happy at the results of her own efforts to produce a child of her own is the ultimate reward. There is a glow and serenity in her face that is indescribable. I remembered back when I gave birth to her, thinking that I could never have been happier at that moment, and seeing the same expression on her own face is what is more endearing and rewarding than almost anything else. There’s nothing quite like the love that pours out for this tiny product of ours. It’s instant, unconditional, and non-judgmental.

To respect my daughter’s privacy, I will not publish any photos of her or the baby, nor divulge his name, but I will tell you that he has four names: his first name means “sea of heavenly peace,” his second name I had a hand in choosing, his third means “light” and comes from the heritage of his father, and the last is our last name, Leeds. So, for all intents and purposes, let’s call him Little Leeds.

What will he call me? If I have anything to say about it, it will be “Glamma.”

Glamma: A woman whose children have had children, but she is far too young, gorgeous and glamorous to be called Grandma.

Now we’re home and doing the usual newborn baby thing. Erica set up the house to perfection and has every gadget one might imagine, even a baby nail buffer to keep his little nails short. In fact, his nails were so long that he received a manicure at about 24 hours old! Friends had donated so many hand-me-downs that the dresser drawers are full to the brim. Her friends set up a Meal Train so that food is coming for the next couple of weeks at the graciousness and generosity of her Maui community. It’s heartwarming to see how much support there is here.

Babies are what’s happening here. We heard that about 15 babies were born that one day in that one hospital! Babies and pregnant women are abundant. About 1,800 babies are born at Maui Memorial Medical Center annually. Perhaps in a place like this, where people seem to have a lot of time and live a relaxed lifestyle, that childbearing aged people and the time to procreate come together for the perfect petri dish environment. That provides a lot of support to a new mother.

Now, you may be reading this because you love France and want to hear about life in France, so forgive me if I digress for a short time. Grandchildren are one of the rare reasons people who have lived in France a long time decide to move back—they want to be closer to their kids’ kids. I will be faced with a similar problem, as Paris to Maui is about 7,500 miles apart (12,000 kilometers) and that’s a long way to go!

No worries. I don’t see giving up the good life I have in France to move to Maui, but it’s highly likely Erica will want to raise her child in France and move back to Paris within the next year or so.

Raising a child in France comes with a variety of advantages due to its supportive social systems, cultural values, and emphasis on education and well-being. Erica’s choice for delivering in Maui made perfect sense to me, but as he grows up, France offers other vital benefits.

Here are some:

1. Comprehensive Healthcare System

Universal Healthcare: France offers a world-class healthcare system, including pediatric care, vaccinations, and maternity services. Many costs are heavily subsidized or fully covered through the public health insurance system.

Prenatal and Postnatal Support: Expecting mothers receive excellent prenatal care, and new parents are offered postnatal resources, including home visits from midwives and health checks for babies.

2. Parental Support and Benefits

Generous Parental Leave: France provides paid maternity and paternity leave, as well as parental leave options that allow parents to balance work and family life.

Financial Support: Families receive financial assistance through benefits like “allocations familiales” (family allowances) to help with childcare and other expenses.

Subsidized Childcare: High-quality daycare (crèche) and preschool (école maternelle) are widely available and often subsidized, making early childhood education and care accessible.

3. Excellent Early Childhood Education

École Maternelle: Starting at age 3 (or earlier in some cases), children can attend école maternelle, a free, high-quality preschool system that focuses on socialization, creativity, and foundational skills.

Focus on Balanced Development: The curriculum emphasizes holistic development—academics, play, social interaction, and emotional well-being.

4. Balanced Approach to Parenting

Cultural Norms for Politeness and Independence: French parenting often emphasizes instilling good manners, respect for boundaries, and independence from a young age.

Healthy Eating Habits: Children are encouraged to enjoy diverse, balanced meals, and schools often provide nutritious lunches that introduce a variety of foods.

Clear Structure and Routine: Parenting in France typically involves setting clear boundaries and routines, helping children feel secure and thrive.

5. Work-Life Balance

Shorter Work Hours: French laws support shorter workweeks (typically 35 hours) and generous vacation policies, allowing parents more time to spend with their children.

Public Holidays and Breaks: Families benefit from numerous public holidays and vacation time, encouraging quality family bonding.

6. Rich Cultural Exposure

Arts and Heritage: Growing up in France provides children with access to world-class museums, art, music, and cultural events, as well as a rich historical and architectural heritage.

Multilingual Opportunities: Schools often emphasize foreign language learning, making it easier for children to become bilingual or multilingual.

7. Strong Focus on Social Integration

Inclusive Education: Schools are designed to integrate children from various socio-economic backgrounds, fostering social cohesion.

Community Spirit: Local communities often have public events, parks, and activities that support family interaction and child development.

8. Safety and Quality of Life

Child-Friendly Cities: Many French cities are designed with families in mind, offering parks, playgrounds, and family-friendly amenities.

Low Crime Rates: France is generally safe, with low crime rates in most family-friendly neighborhoods.

Accessible Nature: Families can easily access outdoor activities in diverse settings, from countryside to coastlines and mountains.

9. Long-Term Benefits

Education System: The French education system, though rigorous, provides a strong foundation for academic success and personal growth.

Global Citizenship: Exposure to a multicultural society and emphasis on global awareness prepare children for future international opportunities.

By combining a robust social safety net, cultural richness, and an emphasis on education and balance, France provides a supportive environment for raising well-rounded, healthy, and independent children.

For a wonderful book on this very subject, have fun with Bringing Up Bébé: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting by Pamela Druckerman. Pamela was often at Café Charlot writing away sitting next to me—we shared the same preferred spot in the busy café to cocoon and write.

Joy Morin of Colorinmypiano.com wrote: “In this book, the author, journalist Pamela Druckerman, recounts her experience as an American raising a baby (and later, two more) in France. Soon after moving to Paris, she began noticing certain stark differences in child-rearing approaches in France compared to those typical in the United States. She started paying attention to this and asking questions—even stashing a notebook in her diaper bag—and investigating to see if she could learn more about how the French parent their children.”

I do hope Erica will bring Little Leeds home to Paris…very, very soon!

A la prochaine…